I haven't been on LJ for so long omg but eee finally I'm back and I haven't checked for my flist for so long you guys I'm not even going to try.

So last night, there I was, making up chick-lit style sentences, which I do ocassionally (only not, but whatever) and umm, then I came across a sentence. And then I added a few words. And then I went "what the fuck, brain," because the narrator was a cannibal. Who works at a fashion magazine. Who gets turned into a vampire, and I don't even know what happened but suddenly I was actually writing about it and umm it was actually kind of freaking me out even though I stopped before the actual vampiring because, like. Tiny freakishly skinny cannibal lady with a eating disorder. Um.

(Speaking of which, just out of curiousity, how many calories do you think a person would be? I mean, I guess it would depend on the person, but, say, someone who's slightly above average height and fairly fit, because a girl who works at a fashion magazine would probably be picky about who they, um. Eat. I asked my dad, and he kind of got a weird look on his face. Then I said, "by the way, she bakes them in an oven, but I guess that would have to be a pretty big oven," and he told me to stop talking about it.)

I might actually post my pre-vampiric but very cannibalistic exposition later, if I type it up, because I think it's kind of too ridiculous not to share. Idek.

We pick at each other's minds but we're stuffed full of television thoughts and we're wasted on radio silence, all steady beats and repetition. Blindfold each other with spiderwebs and what we have is phantom vision: rainbows on the inside of our eyelids that seem so real to us and like bats we make our ways through life listening to the echos of our brains, pretending we are something we can depend on. And we are needy souls, though we like to forget it, drinking in compliments and condolences like mother's milk. We nodding in agreement to secrets we've never known, saying and me, me too, me too when what we mean is love me, accept me, love me. But every love we feel is actually a question; the blind leading the blind leading insanity: the ones with the maps can't see it and the ones who know the way can't say, their cries drowned out by white noise.

you guys, I really wish I had like, a ridiculously elaborate fourpiece suit right now. i don't even know. I just think it would be really fun to wear. With like. A top hat.

so there I was, thinking about the pure awesomeness of trans characters in bandom and then suddenly I was thinking about my first fandom! Harry Potter! And then I thought, WHAT IF THERE WAS FIC WHERE HARRY POTTER WAS TRANS.

Like. He goes through life and he's busy trying to, you know, stay alive, you know? so it's not like he's actually ever thought that much about like, his gender, especially since his relatives called him a freak for his whole life anyway, so it's like, it just doesn't even occur to him? Or something? Anyway, in a way he's kind of sheltered anyway, he probably doesn't even realize that trans people exist. But then, you know. He gets married to Ginny, has babies, etc, etc, and then some day he somehow like, wakes up one morning and is like, HEY, MAYBE I'M NOT ACTUALLY A GUY. And. I don't know. Things happen!

someone please find this for me. I'm sure it exists!

so I went to the beach and now I am back from the beach. and yesterday I watched emoboys playing DDR and one of them was wearing capris! first I saw them from behind so I thought, well, maybe that's just a lanky girl, but no. There was a boy who wasn't from Panic at the Disco who was wearing capris. With patchwork skulls on one of the back pockets. (I thought it was just some random flowery design at first and I was like WTF but then I realized they were skulls so I kind of wanted to steal them. The capris. Not the skulls, although I guess that would be pretty cool too.)

Also in the window of one store I saw this shirt that said "kiss me I'm wasted" and it looked pretty cool? Because it was black and it had NEON LETTERING, okay? But the words made me go D: and want to hurt someone.

YOU GUYS. I DON'T EVEN KNOW. THEY'RE SO LAME AND I KIND OF WANT TO HUG THEM.

also I can't find my dictionary. I know, I know. Who the fuck uses an actual dictionary, right? Well, I happen to partake in a little dictionary-usage ocassionally. Online dictionaries just aren't the same.

(When I was little, I used to read my dictionary. The same one I'm looking for right now, even. I mean, I didn't read it page by page, but I liked to skim through and look for interesting words. That and my mom's intro to psych book were basically my sex ed, and, in retrospect, probably at least part of why I'm not homophobic today. The dry, dictionary definition of "homosexual" was not exactly terrifying. Actually, the terms "homosexual" and "heterosexual" both confused me for the longest time. I remember my exact response was: "...they need words for that?" And then I made my stuffed animals be gay together.
...I wish I was kidding. 8-year-old Hannah=tiny furry? Apparently so. IDEK.
Also, I like how my digression has become twice as long as my original reason for posting. Sex>dictionaries, I guess.)

...you guys, idk how I should even tag this.

you guysss our library system sucks. We have seventeen libraries in the county (I counted) (not counting the history library place) and okay, the only book we have about intersexuality (is that the right term? idek) is Middlesex (which I didn't particularly like, but anyway) and there's no nonfiction and also I really want to read that book we talked about at TIP--An Unconventional Family, for anyone wondering--but we don't have that either. And also I kind of want to read something--I have a few specific titles in mind, but right now I'd settle for anything--about like, non-binary gender systems (which, wtf, I feel so pretentious saying that) and there's nothing. You guys. I am so close to begging my mom to borrow a few books from Duke, but that would be a ridiculously uncomfortable experience, so. IDK.

*headdesk*

so I'd broken my camera while I was at TIP. Again. And I really don't know how it happened? Except it involved it falling out of my bag?
Apparently, according to my dad, the fact that I don't know how it happened obviously means I was under the influence of...idk, something, probably alcohol but possibly drugs when it happened. And the fact that I don't remember the exact day it happened just strengthens his case.

...wtf. you guys. I seriously don't understand his thought process, especially considering yesterday's post. (He hadn't reacted at all to the tales of the haunted mattress, except to be like, oh sure. Whatever. Haunted mattress, why not?)

(Just, fyi, I don't think I've heard about anyone getting alcohol into TIP, although there was something this year about pot, I think, so who knows.)

Apparently, my mother's mattress is haunted. It makes strange noises, she says, and it speaks in an old lady's voice at around one every morning. Also, it gives her nightmares.


...my mother is insane.

(and that's actually the only absurdity I have to share today.)

Here

you guys, I don't even know. I just. I don't think it's even good. I just want to like. Pet him and be like, aww, how cute. Actually, his whole blog makes me want to do that.

oh my god, my brother. I don't even know.
It's weird, when I was little and my friend told me about Heaven I was like, "hahaha wtf? your mother is obvs lying to you." But. I guess my brother's not that way? idk. it's a little poetic though, I think.

so today I swear I heard "frosty the snowman" playing on the radio.

they had to do this reading comprehension thing and answer questions and:

question: Why do you think we need laws?

answers: "?"
and
"Because we don't."

oh my god. <3

tomorrow I will return to the azn camp for another soul-crushing day. My heritage, it hurts me. D:
Actually, to be honest I'm kind of excited to see what tomorrow will bring. Maybe that makes me a masochist.

so my brother's been going to this chinese summer camp thing? and i guess chinese means they're friends with my mom or at least acquaintances, idek, anyway, so today i went and theoretically I was helping out although I don't think I actually did much. anyway.

little girls are fucking mean. there was this one clique, and they wouldn't let this other girl on the trampoline! D:
and they were all bitching about some girl who wasn't there and talking about how not even her best friend actually liked her and I was all D: you're not supposed be so meeeeean yet! you haven't even hit puberty yet!
and then there was this one little girl and she was SO ADORABLE OMG but then she was all, yeah, so my friend can't draw at all? and I was all, well you should help her, then! :D all super perky and stuff, right? and then she was all, nah, she just scribble-scrabbles. like a baby. and I was all, I'M TORN BETWEEN HUGGING YOU AND LECTURING YOU RIGHT NOW. D:

and omg little eight year old boys. ;_; there was this one, I was talking to him--because he and this other kid were being mean to this tiny adorable little boy, and I was all, omg! stop being so mean! ;_; and he was all YOU'RE A LESBIAN. and I was all, ...I have no hope for the future anymore. And he was all, GAYWAD. and I was all, WHY DO YOU EVEN KNOW THESE WORDS YOU'RE HALF MY AGE. so then his friend was all, BITCH ASS SHIT FUCK HAHAHAHA and.

Our generation sucks THE END.

dude. dude. my mp3 player. the web browser thing has a scrollbar. I'd swear that it didn't have one, like, 5 minutes ago. or like, ever. I'm sure of this, because I've thought, man, I wish this thing had a scrollbar many, many times in the past six months. and now it has one, but wtfff where did it come from?

I want to go and dance and spin in it, but I don't have anyone to dance with. I miss TIP. I miss everyone. 

can someone name off some books that are written in third-person omniscient? this should not be hard, but my mind's not working and it's really sort of bothering me.

also what POV were the series of unfortunate events books written in? This is a stupid question, I know! but I would like an answer.

also I have too many notebooks. and this compulsion to buy more anyway is probably abnormal and unhealthy. but. notebooks! shiny new paper!  I dunno.